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LDS Wedding Luncheons

Your Guide to Making It a Success
by Jessica Guernsey

Mormons do not always follow the traditional rules. We don't get married in churches, we don't live with our fiancés before the wedding, and we don't have rehearsal dinners. We are sealed for eternity in temples, believe strongly in chastity, and have a wedding day luncheon. There are strict guidelines as to what should and should not take place for the first two but what about those luncheons? That's where LDSWeddings.com can help.

Why a luncheon?
Since LDS brides and grooms do not have a rehearsal before the sealing (except maybe the kissing part) but still want to gather friends and family in a more intimate setting to thank them for all their help, families host a luncheon or brunch on the day of the wedding. Saints are a unique and peculiar people. If there are those in your family that may think they have been excluded from the traditional rehearsal dinner, you may want to explain this substitution when inviting them to the luncheon.

When is the best time?
The period between the sealing and the reception is an excellent time, ranging from mid-morning to late afternoon depending on your sealing appointment. Plan for around 1½ to 2 hours. Some couples have a wedding dinner after going through the temple for endowments. Decide what schedule would be the best for you and allow for driving time.

Who pays for it?
As far as tradition goes, the groom's family is responsible for the luncheon planning and payment. However, the trend is slowly veering from definite "who pays" rules to whoever offers or is able. If something more extravagant is desired, by all means, split the bill to make it possible.

How formal should it be?
You will want to keep things along the same lines as your reception. A down-home barbecue in the afternoon does not always mesh well with the black tie reception later. You may want your luncheon more informal but not entirely relaxed. Make sure your guests know that. Typically, if the luncheon is after the sealing, your guest will still be in the clothes they wore to the temple. Keep that in mind while you are planning the meal.

Where should it be held?
Location depends on your taste, from your mother's dining room to an exclusive bistro. Why not host your wedding luncheon at your favorite restaurant? Some restaurants offer group rates or special dishes. Ask about gratuity. If you want some control over the check, create your own menu with selected dishes within your price range and include any specials the restaurant offers your party. If you are having your reception in a hotel banquet hall that evening, some hotels may discount a smaller room for a nice catered lunch earlier.

What do you at a luncheon?
Is there anything else to do at your brunch or luncheon besides eat? Of course! As is the case with banquets, let your guests eat before you expect them to pay attention. It is customary to start with presentations or speeches during dessert. Some families may give a premiere viewing of the wedding video to be shown later at the reception. But if a video is not in your plans, consider speeches. An informal telling of your courtship story from your parents' perspectives could be very interesting. Fathers could tell the life stories of the newlywed child. Select guests might be asked to share their favorite story about the bride or groom. Even the bride and groom could speak, thanking everyone for coming and those that have helped, expressing their love for family and friends.

If the families do not already know each other, have introductions. You can have people tell a little about themselves or have the bride and groom's parents introduce everyone. If the group is small or diverse enough, use place cards. Place guests at a table with at least one or two other people they know but mix in a few members from the other family to get conversation and new friendships going. Some couples have gone so far as to have the newlyweds spend the duration of each course at a different table, introducing guests and keeping conversation steady as they move from appetizers to salad and on.

If action and not talk is more your style, we have some ideas for you, too. Couples may take the luncheon as an opportunity to exchange rings and perhaps sing or play an instrument. This may also be a good time to present the bridesmaids and groomsmen with the traditional small gifts from the newlyweds. Gifts from the bride and groom to each other might also be exchanged unless best opened in private. Along the lines of presentation of gifts, some couples have decorative centerpieces on the tables during the meal. It is becoming the trend to present the centerpieces to the couple present who has been married the longest, married the shortest, has an anniversary coming up next, whomever has a birthday next or those guests with announcements (engagements, pregnancies, mission calls, etc.).

What other things should I keep in mind?
Selecting your menu will mostly likely be most difficult part of the reception. At least decorating will not be a concern. Whatever your style, your luncheon should have the air of love and family. Please refrain from incorporating anything that might take away from that spirit. The brunch or luncheon is a nice break from the whirlwind schedule and emotions of this wonderful day. Keeping the event relaxed will certainly give the newlyweds a much needed breath before moving on to more pictures and the reception.